Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Key Words

Okay, so Blogger has a new layout now and it gives you some stats on what keywords people use to end up at your page. So here we go, the top fivekey words people are searching this week on in order to get to my blog are:

1. Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band
2. My Sister's Cleavage
3. Bob Seger
4. "Kari Shaffer"
5. Bob Seger and Silver Bullet Band

So there you have it. And I'm not even joking.

And I'm done now. Because there is nothing further to say about this.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Hurricane Emails.

I’ve received 5 emails about the impending hurricane that is about to ravage the East Coast this weekend. Now, I will share the best one with you.
-----Original Message-----
From: Lindsay
Sent: Friday, August 26, 2011 2:27 PM
To: Morgan
Subject: RE:
I have "Come on Irene" stuck in my head...even though I don't know the words...and even though it’s really Eileen.
You? Are welcome.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Buyer's Remorse

So, way back when, Zach and I instituted fun money. Fun money meant that each of us got a certain amount of money a month to spend on whatever we wanted. Eating out, new clothes (in my case), video games (in Zach's case). So after we suffered through fun money for like a year or so, we gave it up. The theory, if you choose to believe it, was that over the past year, we've trained ourselves to spend only that certain amount.

But I knew better from the beginning. The theory was bullshit.

I knew the theory was bullshit as soon as the words left Zach's lips, but did I say anything? Hell no! I was just as excited to pretend to believe in the theory too.

And tonight was a prime example that the theory is WRONG-O.

I had to take my car to get new front tires. Like, they were so bad that our contractor gave me pointers on how to get a good deal on tires.


Ironically, the pointers he gave me were the exact opposite of what I actually did. In fact, he said, "Don't go to Merchant's."

Where did I go? Merchant's.

I'm sorry, I don't know how to mount tires and balance them. So I can't buy them online and DIY myself some tires. Just like I can't DIY a bathroom. Which is why he is even here giving advice in the first place.

I'm getting off track here. Anyway.

I went to Merchant's where two tires cost $267.00. As if that wasn't bad enough.

I was forced to spend time shopping as I waited 1.5 hours to have my expensive tires put on my cheap ass car. So I went to Payless and I got two pairs of shoes. Two pairs of shoes I don't REALLY need. I really only needed one pair, but they were buy one get one half off! I couldn't pass it up!

Then, I went to Marshall's and I bought a variety of things I don't need: (1) Washcloths for the kitchen. (2) An orange vase for looks only. (3) A white glass deviled egg plate. Because, you know, the two I ALREADY HAVE aren't white.

So had fun money still been in effect, we would be down (1) One pair of black flats. (2) Washcloths for the kitchen. (3) An orange vase for looks only. (4) A white glass deviled egg plate.

And I'd probably feel a little bit better about myself.

Do you see where the theory was flawed? If not, I can point it out for you. The part that ASSUMED I HAVE ANY SELF-RESTRAINT AT ALL.

Wock and Woll

We all know (well maybe you don’t, but the “I” of “we” knows) that I love Bob Seger.

Although many of my very favorite bands come from more of the contemporary rock/emo genres, I much prefer classic rock radio stations to … well anything else. Give me Tom Petty, Eric Clapton, The Rolling Stones, Bruce Springsteen, even The Beatles. But really, if you only gave me Bob Seger (perhaps with Bruce Springsteen’s looks), I’d be happy.
So now that we’ve established that, I also love this little blond haired boy. His name is Hunter, and as of about 20 days ago, he’s family.
Hunter is a fun kid. He’s not one of those jerk kids only a mom could love. He is smart and cute and he’s kind. And he’s got good jokes.

Here he is at the wedding, escorting his gram down the aisle. What a gentleman.

And Hunter is one step ahead than other little boys, and most big boys, even. He knows all the words to Bob Seger’s Old Time Rock and Roll and he’s not afraid to show it.

That's right. This kid karaokes.

Yes, a few days before taking the stage to sing Old Time Rock and Roll at Ashley and Steve’s wedding reception, he admitted that he “might get stage fright.” (**SWOON**) But he didn’t. He got right up there and sang his little heart out. It was the cutest thing ever. EVER.

“Still like that Old Time Wock and Woll. That kind of music just soos my soul.”

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

We don't live in California.

Not even close. So really, Earth, wtf.

There was an earthquake today in Virginia. I've been reading article upon article and have yet to see anything about buildings hitting the ground, people being hurt, bridges collapsing. But it was still really freaking scary. And maybe you Californians thought no big deal, but when you are sitting in a meeting with some coworkers and the WHOLE BUILDING starts SHAKING and you look up and you see ceiling tile and it's BOWING and you live in Washington DC where there are terrorist attacks, it's SCARY.

My boss was mid-sentence. He said, "blah blah blah work stuff... And the building is... really shaking." And then he moved. He got up from the table and left the room. And we all followed. And I ran down the stairs as fast as I could and exited the building and immediately felt safe.

It wasn't until much later that I realized that if that building came down, we would probably be LESS safe outside.

But at any rate, I was shaking like a maniac and asking to go home. I was dramatic. But that's just me. I overreact.

We are lucky: everyone is okay, The National Cathedral was affected, but besides that the damage was minimal.

I mean, knowing what we know how, I may have overreacted a tad. But how was I supposed to know we would all be okay? In the heat of the moment, you can't tell. And I acted how I felt. Which was scared to death.

But that's just me.

Sunday, August 14, 2011


I wrote this blog the weekend we came home from Pennsylvania for Ashley and Stevie's Wedding. I never posted it. But then it happened all over again on Sunday.

Let me first of all share with you a conversation Zach and I have every Sunday we drive home from Pennsylvania.

Me (in an incredibly whiny voice): I don’t wanna.

Zach (in his normal voice): Me either.

Me (again, whiny): I hate this.

Zach (again, normal): Me too.

When I say “I hate this” I mean I hate leaving our families, first and foremost. I also hate that the weekend is over because, really, we are losing a whole Sunday to a freaking car ride and piles of laundry. And sweeping up cat hair.

Here is how our weekends in Pennsylvania usually go: drive four and a half hours, blow in like we own the place, exhaust ourselves doing the things we wish we could do EVERY weekend (without the drive, of course) but we can’t so we try to fit it all into less than 48 hours, wake up on Sunday morning and drive another four and a half hours to get home at a decent hour so our house can be clean and we have something to wear to work on Monday.

Lather, rinse, repeat. It’s exhausting. It’s wonderfully, excitingly exhausting.

And no, we don’t do it every weekend. More like once a month or in the winter even less than that, but it’s getting old. Sundays are the day when Zach’s mom makes dinner for the family and invites everyone over. Sundays are the day my aunt, my mom, and my cousins sit around the pool and bullshit all afternoon. SUNDAYS ARE THE DAYS THE STEELERS PLAY. AND THE DAY LISSA DOES HER STEELER VOODOO DANCE. AND VIRGINIA CABLE COMPANIES DON’T LIKE THE STEELERS. So as you can see, there are a million other things I would rather be doing on SUNDAY than DRIVING TO VIRGINIA (or, more accurately in my case, RIDING).

So as you can see, sometimes I prefer just to stay in Virginia so I don’t have to leave Pennsylvania. And that makes me sad.

Four Generations in Wedding Photos. COMPLETE!

Okay, here we go! Zach and I finished the photo wall this afternoon!

I got this idea from Young House Love, as I mentioned in my last post. If you look at their post, you can see that their plan was to tape newspaper sheets the same size as the photos to the wall to figure out placement.

Here's the thing - I do not (and will NEVER) have the patience for that. So Zach had a brilliant idea to use thumbtacks and yarn to make the an even row of 8x10s down the middle of the collage.

From there it was a free for all.

My method (unlike the YHL kiddos) required Spackle and paint. But no newspapers.

Without further ado, I give you, The Milton Hallway Full Monty.Forgive the photos. When the real estate listing said "lots of natural light," it lied.

This morning, I dug out the handkerchief John and Lissa gave me as a wedding gift almost two years ago:
Zach went to Michael's and bought me the perfect sized frame for it.

And after looking at these photos I realize that the hanky is a little off center. But you know what? I've already mentioned my lack of patience in this post so I am not going to retake them all. That's just me. The non-perfectionist.

I love this. Love love love love love.


So on Friday night at Steve and Ashley's ceremony (before the bride walked down the path to her handsome groom awaiting), I visually inspected the groom and his best man (my husband).

Boutonnieres on straight? Check.
Suits wrinkle-free? Check. (Thank you Vic!)
Zach's suit cat hair free? Check. (Thank you Vic, again!)
No boogers? Check. (Okay, you got me. I didn't check their noses.)

Then I see Steve asking his Aunt Kathy for something to put his gum in. She pulled out a receipt or something from her purse and he put his in.

I looked at Zach and realized he was chewing gum too.

"Give me the gum," I said, sticking out my open hand, like a mother to a child who is about to go on stage at a Christmas pagaent or something.

Kathy says, "Take Steve's gum too."

Oh boy! I thought. I get to hold the gum.

So in my hand, I'm holding the gum. There are no garbage cans in sight. I hold the gum the entire ceremony long. But when it is over, a brilliant thought struck me.

"Hey, Vic!" I approach Zach's Aunt Vic. She's a quirky little lady who lives in Southern Virginia with no children of her own. (We are all her people.) I love Aunt Vic because she is fun (and funny) and she cooks tons of food (that she doesn't eat) and I love her because she loves us back so much. And it shows.

"I have something for the scrapbook! Pre-wedding gum. It's Zach and Steve's mixed together."


I love this family.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Four Generations in Wedding Photos.

Yesterday I talked about Steve and Ashley's wedding and I told you that I had all of these stories to tell. And I still do.

But there is something else that I've been working on. And it is kind of related to weddings. I've been thinking for like 3 whole minutes trying to decide what to name this post. I decided upon Four Generations in Wedding Photos, even though it is so much more than that.

Actually right now it's only three generations. But I threw in some extra photos so ignore that there are only three for now.

I got this idea from Young House Love. And I must admit that I love it a lot. A Hallway Full Monty. I mean, what's not to like?

So I thought I would collect old photos from our families dating back as far as we could and make a similar wall collage. I started collecting. Both photos and frames.

Zach's mom got me a bunch of frames at a flea market and the rest I bought at Michael's at 40% off with an additional 25% coupon. But I still need more.

I collected photos from my Aunt Dorothy, Zach's mom and dad, and my own mom and came up with about 16 or so photos, most of them from weddings past: I got two from my mom and dad's wedding, one from Zach's mom and dad's, two of Zach's maternal grandparents, two of Zach's paternal grandparents, one of my paternal grandparents, one of my paternal great grandparents, a few military photos and some other random family photos (i.e. one of my Guppy and Grandpap Clyde since there doesn't really seem to be any wedding photos of them).

And it's not hung or anything yet, but I need to share these photos with you because I love them a lot.

I love them as much as the butter churner I inherited from my Aunt Dee this weekend when I was home. I love them as much as my old bottle/jar collection. I love them as much as Grandma Ruth's china. I love them as much as stemless wine glasses. I love them as much as the Golden Girls. I love them. I love them. I love them.

So without further ado, I give you the wedding (and other important family photos) collage:

Ah I can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! From the top left: My dad's Army photo, my mom and dad on their wedding night sitting on the steps of my Grandma Guppy's house, Zach's Grandpa Ernie in his military garb. Row two: Zach's Grandma Agnes in a field somewhere (I LOVE THIS ONE), Zach's grandparents on their wedding day, my Grandma Guppy and Grandpap Clyde on a cruise somewhere, Zach's other grandparents on their wedding day, Ernie and Ruth again on their wedding day, Zach's parents the day they got married. Bottom: my paternal grandparents on their wedding day, my dad's family when my dad was just a baby, my great grandparents on their wedding day and finally Zach's grandma Agnes again on her wedding day.I love this so much I could die.

And I'm not done yet. I have 3 or 4 more photos to frame from the family then I need to pick a few from our wedding photos to finish 'er off.

Final unveiling estimated for this weekend with a few surprises to be thrown in. Get excited.

Have any of you done photo collages before? Themed or not? How did they turn out?

Sunday, August 7, 2011

The Tale of a Milton Wedding

This past weekend we celebrated Zach's brother's wedding to a lovely lady named Ashley.

They had a beautiful outdoor ceremony in South Park. Zach's brother and sister were wedding party members, Zach filling the Best Man role and Beth filling as Maid of Honor. We were lucky it didn't rain that night and I'm not even going to complain about the heat.
They ceremony was beautiful, the vows were sweet, and they did a very touching sand ceremony with Ashley's son Hunter.

The Milton's are just as happy to add another family member as I am to add another sister. And as we speak, they are off honeymooning in the Poconos, hopefully makin' babies or something.

Lord knows their honeymoon suite certainly sets the mood. I swear, the brochure Ashley showed me was pretty much soft-core porn.

But that's another story for another time.

Congrats to the new Mr. and Mrs. Stephen Milton. May you have decades and centuries of happiness.

And in case you get confused, here are the NEW Mr. and Mrs. Stephen Milton.
(The two in the middle.)

And here are the OLD er, more well-seasoned and wise Mr. and Mrs. Stephen Milton:

Tune in more this week for more posts about the weekend. I have plenty of photos that facebook is refusing to upload and more stories to tell. One about chewed up gum. One about a Jersey Shore party (not entirely wedding related). One about winning $240. And I suppose I can tell you about the youngest karaoke-er in history and his awesome rendition of Old Time Rock n Roll.